How to Masturbate: The Ultimate Guide to Going Solo

by Lovehoney

on May 1, 2020

As you can probably guess, Lovehoney is pretty pro-masturbation. When it comes to things to get behind (and on top of, and underneath) masturbation is high on our list.

Like most aspects of sex, there isn’t one right way to masturbate (which is one part of what makes it so fun). So, if you’re looking for a thorough guide on how to masturbate, and how to make masturbation better, then you’ve come (hehe) to the right place.

Masturbation can still be a pretty taboo topic for some, thanks to plentiful bizarre masturbation myths out there. Yep, it wasn't so long ago that people believed a cheeky solo-session would cause acne, insanity and even the dreaded hairy palms (yikes).

However, rubbing one out actually has a whole host of wonderful health benefits, and it’s great for your mental well-being. Plus, masturbating together with your partner can be a sexy way to spice things up in the bedroom.

And if that’s not enough to convince you, did we mention it feels amazing?

Still, we know delving into private browsing isn’t always plain sailing for everyone. But that’s what we’re here for. Whether it’s your first time masturbating, or whether you’re looking for a few tips to mix it up, we'll break it down for you with our handy (ahem) guide to solo sex.

Is Masturbation Good For You And What Are The Benefits?

Where do we begin? The short answer: yes.

As we've already said, having some alone time now and then has been proven to support good mental health. This is due to the happy chemicals, like endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, that the brain releases when you orgasm.

Furthermore a menage-a-moi is the perfect sleep aid, due to the release of prolactin and serotonin, chemicals which are linked to feelings of relaxation and happiness. Let’s be real: who doesn’t want that?

Plus, masturbation doesn't just benefit your mental wellbeing; it can impact your physical wellbeing too. It’s been linked to pain management, and can even ease period cramps.

But it's not just vulva-owners who benefit; research has shown that regularly yanking the crank can lead to better prostate health for people with penises too. In fact, one study showed that ejaculating 21 times a month could reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 33%.


How Masturbating Together Can Enhance Your Relationship

Unfortunately, there’s no set textbook when it comes to sex. We’re all different, so expecting your partner to know instinctively how you like to be touched can result in disappointment.

That’s why solo play is a fantastic way to learn what you like in bed. Taking the time to explore your body when you're alone helps you to find out what feels best for you. Then, when show time rolls around, you can guide your partner's touch, helping them to bring you to orgasm.

Alternatively, you and your partner can even try masturbating together, meaning you’ll each be able to see what the other likes, and you’ll get a pretty spectacular view while you’re at it.

Studies have even revealed that those who masturbate often are 10% more confident in bed, so rubbing one out every now and then could be the perfect way to supercharge your sexual prowess with a partner.

How To Masturbate Discreetly

Let's get this ultra-clear: masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of.

Still, we know that you’ll no doubt want to make sure it’s a private experience (so that means no unexpected knocks on the door).

Choose a time when you're not going to get disturbed and you can really relax, like when everyone else is sleeping, for example. A lot of people like to masturbate in bed, but others prefer to do it in the bath or shower. As long as you’re relaxed and comfortable, you’re good to go.

How To Make Masturbation Better: Warm Up, Before You Get Down

If you’re after tips on how to masturbate better (or you want to make your first venture southwards as rewarding as possible), a stellar piece of advice is to take it slow.

You might be tempted to go in hard and fast, but remember that there’s no rush. Plus, incorporating a warm up into your solo session can help you to last longer masturbating - and who doesn’t want that?

Get your motor running by gently running your fingertips along your body first. Softly caressing your neck, inner thighs and nipples is a great place to start.

When you're feeling aroused, start to stroke your genitals. We really recommend lubricant here. Not only does it enhance the sensation and make masturbation better, it also makes it a whole lot easier.

If you have a penis, try gently stroking up and down your shaft. When you're good and hard, take your penis in your hand and move it up and down. Don't forget about your balls, either. You can try gently cupping them, or ever-so-carefully tugging them for added pleasure.

For vulva-owners, first try using a couple of lubed-up fingers to stroke your external areas. To stimulate your clitoris, gently trace around it in gentle circles. Once you've got the hang of it, try applying a little more pressure, or moving your hand slightly faster.

Another great way to stimulate your clitoris is to kneel and place a pillow in between your legs. Here you can rub yourself against the pillow, thrusting up and down to control the rhythm and speed.

You can also try adding internal stimulation to your solo session. Try inserting a finger or two inside your vagina, while rubbing your clitoris at the same time.


How To Masturbate With Sex Toys

While hand-play is the perfect place to start with masturbation (especially if it’s your first time masturbating), finger stimulation alone can sometimes use a, erm, helping hand. This where sex toys come in.

We sell a really wide range of sex toys at Lovehoney. However, for beginners, we recommend starting small and simple.

Bullets are petite vibrators that are designed to stimulate your external hotspots. They're also incredibly lightweight and discreet, (and perfect for keeping out of sight.)

When you feel comfortable with your mini vibe, vulva-owners can graduate to a slimline rabbit vibrator. These ingenious inventions stimulate your clitoris, all while giving you lovely internal penetration. Our Lovehoney Frisky 10 Function G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is a good place to start.

Handheld masturbators are the perfect treat for penises. We sell all sorts, but for first-time users we suggest starting with a simple one, like our Lovehoney Heads Up Textured Stroker Cup.

When you're a stroker pro, you could even start incorporating a slimline butt plug into the fun. Our BASICS Slimline Butt Plug is easy to insert - and it’s perfect for those just getting started.

Remember: it's important to use objects specifically designed as sex toys, in order to avoid hurting yourself. Non-sex toys may break, be too big, or get lost inside you if used anally. The good news is that Lovehoney have tonnes of safe and purpose-built sex toys to choose from.

Top Toys for Vulvas

Best Positions for Masturbation

There's no right or wrong way to masturbate. Discovering what you do and don't like can take time, so be patient with yourself. However, if things really aren't gelling, try switching up your position.

It's incredible what a slight shuffle of the hips can do for your pleasure.

Try adding a few of these popular positions to your rub-love repertoire:


The Lotus Flower

Lay down on your back and get comfy.

Open your legs wide and gently start to stroke and explore yourself with one hand.

Add a little splash of lube and use two fingers to gently draw circles around your clitoris.

For even more stimulation, add a vibrator on your clitoris, using your fingers inside.


The Hand Solo

Lie back, so your head and neck are supported. Try lying on a pile of pillows, making sure you're good and comfy

Open your legs wide and take hold of your penis. Stroke along your erection, building up speed as you go.


Goddess Grind

Lie on your belly, with your head to the side. Slide your hand underneath your hips. You can gently prop your hips up with a cushion for comfort.

Grind your hips into your hand, gently rubbing your clitoris against your palm.

You could add a few fingers as you grind, or even invite a dildo into the fun.


Side Into My DMs

Lie on your side with your arms stretched wide to anchor you.

Reach around your back and begin to stroke your butt and slide a finger into your sweet spot.

Then, using your free hand, begin to stroke your penis or clitoris, all the while massaging your backdoor.

To really turn up the volume, try adding a butt plug and a vibrator

Remember when experimenting with anal play, a little splash of anal-safe lube goes a long way.

All In

Treat Yourself

Who said you have to use one sex toy at a time?

To really step your solo-play-sessions up a gear, add a vibrator onto your clitoris. Then, cover a butt plug in anal-safe lube and insert

Stimulating two erogenous zones at the same time is the perfect way to strengthen your orgasms.

How to Masturbate Your Way

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons to give masturbation a try, from better health, to feeling more connected to your partner.

But when it boils down to it, the number one reason to indulge in a little solo-play, is it feels pretty-damn-lovely. And you know what? We all deserve to feel good.

How to Make Female Masturbation 500% Better

Top Sex Toys for Penises


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
Covering simply everything

Originally published on May 1, 2020. Updated on Jan 18, 2021