How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship

6 dos and don'ts for bringing sex toys into your relationship

1. DO test the waters

If you notice something in a film or on TV that you want to try, mention it to your partner in a light-hearted way. You could broach the subject gently by saying something like, "What did you think of that?" or "Would you ever try that?"

They might not seem interested in trying the specific thing you mentioned at first. But, if they seem willing to carry on the conversation, that's a win. You can ask them follow up questions to dig deeper into their attitudes towards toys. Be open and honest about the fact that whatever you saw sparked your curiosity.

2. DO reassure them that it’s not to replace them, or because they’re bad in bed

A big reason that some people may be reluctant to talk about toys in the bedroom is that they believe it’s a sign that something’s not going well, or their partner isn’t being satisfied.

To put their mind at ease, try to make it clear that it’s not about replacing them – it’s about trying something new, making your sex life even more exciting, and discovering these new things together.

It’s like trying a new restaurant, or exploring a new place to go on holiday. Sure, you may absolutely love the place you visit all the time, but it’s always fun to throw something new into the mix and discover brand new experiences.

3. DON’T jump in with something huge or complicated

It may well be that your fantasy is to see your partner using an enormous dildo, have them peg you, or to use a sex swing. But if you’ve never really explored that kind of play before, it’s better to start small and work your way up.

Similarly, it can be tempting to go all out on the most expensive or high-tech toy you can find because you think it will give you both the best experience. We'd never recommend going for cheap toys from retailers you don't trust, there are more affordable and simple toys (like Lovehoney's BASICS range) that can help you get used to the experience and work out what sensations you like.

For example, lots of couples start with a bullet vibrator which can be used during penetrative sex or mutual masturbation for extra stimulation. If you've never tried one before, check out our guide to using a bullet vibrator.

4. DON’T just introduce a toy mid-session without warning your partner.

Surprising someone with something that they haven’t agreed to during sex is never a good idea (even if you have the best of intentions). Your partner might feel pressured to do something they're not comfortable with.

Make sure that they’re aware of the toy beforehand, and are happy for you to use it. Before sex begins, you could show them how it works and how it feels against their skin. For example, if they've never seen a clitoral sucking vibrator, they might like to try against their arm first.

It’s then up to both of you to decide when to bring it into play.

5. DO remember to have fun

Working up the courage to have the sex toy chat is sometimes daunting and stressful, and it can seem as though the future of your sex life depends on it going well.

But it's important to remember why you want to try sex toys in the first place.

It's because sex is fun, and you want to make it even more fun! Don't take it too seriously, and don't see it as the be all and end all. Sex toys are great, but enjoyable sex with your partner is most important. There are plenty of other things you can do to enhance your intimacy without using toys. Sexy massage, anyone?

6. DO respect their decision

Ultimately, if they decide that sex toys aren't for them, you need to respect that it just might not be for them right now.

That's not to say they may not reconsider in the future. Give them all the information you can about why you think it would be fun, plant the seed for future conversations, and leave the rest to them.