Closing the Orgasm Gap with Sexologist Chantelle Otten: Unrealistic Sexpectations

Let’s get down to business. What is the “orgasm gap”? Basically, it’s the difference between the frequency with which penis owners and vulva owners experience orgasm, particularly during heterosexual sex.

There are many reasons why this exists!

Naturally, it may be tempting to assume vulva owners just naturally orgasm at a lesser rate than penis owners but this isn’t necessarily correct.

Actually vulva owners experience orgasm quicker and more frequently during self-pleasure than with a penis owning sexual partner. To reinforce this narrative, vulva owners who have sex with vulva owners report having more frequent orgasms than hetero couples.

To really deep dive into why it exists, I am going to cover this topic over a short series of blogs which will focus on unrealistic expectations of what sex should look like or be and how vulva owners can relax into sex.

To start, we will be discussing… Hollywood and sex.

Hollywood shapes a lot of the way we feel about things, right? It tells us what we should wear, how we should look and what kind of lifestyle we should aspire to. So it's no surprise when it comes to its aspirational projection of love and sensuality, Hollywood often gets it wrong.

Real life is not a rom-com where a couple comes together after a long period of flirting and are finally ready to rip off each other's clothes. No, real life is often a lot more awkward than that. In fact, most of us are just trying to figure out how to show our partner we love them without making things too weird.

And when it comes to sex, well Hollywood doesn't exactly have a great track record there either. We're led to believe that everyone is having multiple orgasmic experiences every time they have sex. But the reality is that for most of us, sex is just okay and that’s okay! It's not always this mind-blowing experience we see on the big screen.

Hollywood is designed to fulfill fantasies. Remember, movies are not an educational tool! We don't learn to drive from The Fast & The Furious, and the same case is relevant when it comes to intimacy.

Love and sensuality is often more playful than what we see in the movies. But it’s also sweatier, messier and we are definitely not wearing lingerie each time we are getting down.

Sex is about having fun with your partner and enjoying each other's company and all the realistic elements of what happens when two people collide in passion… Basically it’s the opposite of what we see in Hollywood.

But that's okay because real life is actually pretty awesome, even if it doesn't look like a Hollywood movie. Next time you're feeling down about your love life or sex life, just remember what you see on the big screen is not always reality. And that's actually a good thing.