The A-Z of Kinks

Kink and fetish play can be a bit more intense than your no-frills shag, and while it can be an absolute blast and a half, in any scenario where power is exerted over an individual, it’s critical to check in with the submissive before, during and after play to make sure they’re a-ok.

Everyone is different, so it can take a little while to adjust back to regular programming after an intense dom/sub scenario.

Oh, and don’t forget - flogged or spanked patooties also need a little TLC, so have a soothing cream or some ice on standby to calm those blushing cheeks.

BDSM is an all-inclusive term for any sexual behaviour that might be considered a little kinky. Pain, physical restraint and servitude are widely known as facets of BDSM but wouldn’t exactly be accepted in everyday life… In BDSM circles, however, it’s a different story completely! These practices are executed with the consent of the involved parties for mutual satisfaction, excitement and enjoyment.

And in case you’ve ever wondered, the acronym BDSM can be divided into the following categories:

Bondage: Restricting a partner’s freedom of movement with handcuffs, ropes and other restraints.

Discipline: Pre-agreed rules and punishments for the dominant partner to exert as a form of control over the submissive partner.

Dominance: The act of exerting dominance over a partner during sexual interaction or in everyday life.

Submission: A display of submission to the dominant partner’s rules, actions and wishes.

Sadism and Masochism (Sadomasochism): Pleasure that people may feel from inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism), either through a physical or emotional act.

Cuckolding is a specific kink where one partner is aroused by the thought of their boo getting slammed by someone else. Historically, cuckolding referenced a man who was cheated on by his wife without his knowledge or consent.

These days, cuckolding can refer to a partner of any gender or sexuality who is fully aware and approves of their partner hitting a home run with someone outside of their relationship.

As we touched on for the letter B, dominance falls under the BDSM category. It’s a consensual exchange where the dominant partner gets sexual satisfaction from being in control and the submissive partner ‘submits’ to being dominated.

Consent is an absolute must, but there’s no need to go so far as a written contract, à la Fifty Shades of Grey - unless that’s part of the scenario!

As the name suggests, electro sex, electro play, electrostimulation or estim uses a safe amount of electrical energy to stimulate the genitals and other erogenous zones.

As the human body is mostly made up of water, it makes for an excellent conductor of electricity, so when you apply an electro sex toy or conductive pad, electricity easily passes through the nerve cells to create a pulsating, vibrating sensation!

And the best part is if you manage to blow your load from estim, it’s called an electro orgasm!

Not one for the faint of heart, fisting involves using all of the fingers on one hand to penetrate and pleasure an orifice. Vaginal fisting involves vaginally penetrating something with a whole hand and the same logic applies to anal fisting.

Vaginal and anal fisting is a great way to achieve that ‘full’ feeling that many people chase. It’s also a great way to hit those internal sweet spots like the G-spot or P-spot.

Although hands and fingers may seem like an obvious choice for fisting, there’s a whole range of beautiful, big dildos and fake hands that have been designed for a good fisting. Just don’t forget the lube!

Silence is golden and gagging is designed to keep subs quiet during play, usually with a ball gag.

Secured around or over the head with a rubber ball that sits between the wearer’s lips and teeth, a gag is the perfect accessory to instil a sense of submission.

Because the sub can’t talk, they have to be a little more creative with their communication and their partner needs to be able to interpret their signs. In this instance, it can be worth having a safety gesture rather than a word for obvious reasons…

But that's not all when it comes to gagging. Penis owners often get off on the thought and sound of their kinky companion gagging on their donger… It has something to do with the feeling of having a big enough wang to be able to induce gagging. On the flip side, sometimes the person playing the flute enjoys the sensation of gagging on a big old schlong. There’s no doubt these two would make the perfect pair.

Humiliation kinks come in many forms, from gentle teasing to objectification. The act of humiliation is commonly desired by subs and can be a source of entertainment for doms. Humiliation kinks illustrate that not all BDSM acts have to have a physical element.

According to Tina Horn, sex educator and host of the podcast ‘Why Are People Into That?!’, “Intense language as a use of force can be just as intense, or even more intense, as consensually degrading physical sensations, such as impact play.”

Humiliation play can be intense for all parties involved, so it’s important to explore it gradually with an agreed safe word in place before you get stuck into it.

Impact play is pretty much anything you can lay your mitts on to slap or spank, whether that be hands, whips, floggers, paddles or anything in between. Impact play might start with a playful spank of your plaything’s booty during a bang and eventually develop into a more deliberate spanking with an accessory.

Consent and communication are essential during impact play, as is the case with any form of BDSM, so be sure to establish a safe word before play commences.

If you’re the spanker, make sure to aim for the fleshier areas of the bod, like the butt cheeks and thighs, to avoid any serious damage to internal organs. Start with your hands to get a gauge of your strength before progressing to specific impact play accessories.

Also known as Shibari or Kinbaku, Japanese rope bondage is an incredible mix between sensual bondage and Japanese art. In Japanese ‘Shibari’ means ‘to tie decoratively’ and ‘Kinbaku’ translates to ‘tight binding’.

Japanese rope bondage requires skill and patience, so it’s usually a progression for BDSM players who are looking to evolve their bondage experience.

Traditionally, jute or hemp rope (non-stretchy) would have been used for Shibari, but nowadays softer, stretchier types of rope are commonly used.

Here’s one for the trivia bank! Klismaphilia is a Greek term that refers to arousal by enemas.

An enema or douche is a device that uses water to flush out impurities in the anus and colon. This is generally done to prep for a medical procedure or to ensure a clean, fresh deep diving experience.

While Klismaphilia usually refers to those who crack a fat over receiving an enema, it can also refer to individuals who get the horn from administering enemas too.

You can’t talk about kink and BDSM without having a chat about the topic of limits, particularly when dom/sub relationships are involved.

Having limits in place is absolutely essential for submissives to be able to explore their sensuality in a safe environment. It’s also super helpful for the dominant to have limits in place too so there’s zero confusion about what their sub is willing to do.

When it comes to BDSM, there are often ‘soft’ and ‘hard’ limits. Soft limits are things that the sub may be interested in but they’re hesitant to explore, so it’s up to the dom to lead the way with a flexible and gradual approach.

Alternatively, hard limits refer to boundaries and rules about what a dom and sub won’t do under any circumstances. Hard limits can be dynamic and change as time goes on, which is why it’s so important to continually check-in and discuss the limits before engaging in any dom/sub scenarios.

As succinctly summarised by philosopher Mokokoma Mokhonoana, “Masochism is the art of turning punishments into rewards.” so if you vibe off a good spanking or get toey from a bit of humiliation, chances are you’re a masochist.

Masochism refers to an individual who gets pleasure from their own pain or humiliation, whether physical or emotional. Alternatively, sadists are those who take gratification from inflicting pain or humiliation.

You read right! There are so many fabulous fetishes and having a thing for nylon is one of them. Arousal by nylon can include simply wearing hosiery while you have a naughty, the act of ripping or tearing hosiery or simply watching someone else wearing nylon hosiery.

According to Mark D Griffiths on Psychologytoday.com, “Object sexuality refers to those individuals who develop deep emotional and/or romantic attachments to (and have relationships with) specific inanimate objects or structures”.

No object is off-limits when it comes to fetishism, but a few common sexual objects include lingerie, sex toys and sex dolls.

Pet play involved similar roles to that of a dom/sub relationship but instead, the roles are usually the ‘owner’ or ‘trainer’ and the ‘pet’.

The pet play scenarios themselves depend on the kind of pet the individuals choose to play. For example, those who play as domestic animals may enjoy drinking or eating out of a bowl on the floor. Kitten play will have a more gentle approach, whereas puppy play might have an element of training involved, like sitting for a treat.

There are a number of props and accessories that can be used to elevate this type of play, like collars and leads for puppy-style play or whips and crops if you take the pony route.

The act of Queening involves sitting on or straddling your kinky companion’s face to receive oral stimulation.

Known as Queening due to the element of control (or maybe their face is a throne?), this possie is both incredibly pleasurable and a great way to explore the dom/sub relationship.

Kinky role play usually involves two or more individuals acting out a scene or fantasy, which normally features at least one of the players having dominance over the other/s.

Some role play scenarios are simple, whereas others are a lot more complex, requiring a higher level of planning with scripting, props or costumes. Some role play scenarios that you might be familiar with involve a boss and employee, doctor and nurse, teacher and student and homeowner and maid among others.

Spanking involves slapping an object or hand against skin to provide sensation and bring circulation to the surface for better sensitivity. Spanking doesn’t always have to inflict pain and can actually be used to complement other pleasurable sensations.

You can add a dash of spanking to any sensual scenario to elevate your play. Enjoy it as part of a role play, as a punishment for a dom/sub scenario or while you’re dancing the mattress mambo to increase the endorphin rush.

Before you get to slapping, make sure you discuss it with your partner or risk giving them a fright. Beyond giving the recipient a start, a surprise spank could be a major turn-off or even bring up past traumas which could lead to a very different outcome than you anticipated… Moral of the story, no surprise spanking!

You heard it here folks, we’re talking about getting off on watching tentacle porn or indulging in the act itself with a specially designed object. If this sounds like a bit of you, you can get your very own tentacle-inspired dildo at Lovehoney!

If you’re struggling to wrap your head around this one, there are a number of reasons why people might be turned on by tentacles. Think multiple penetration fantasies combined with the element of it being foreign, forbidden and a little extreme and it might start making a little more sense.

Also known as a golden shower, wee or pee play, urophilia refers to people who find urination sexually stimulating.

Generally, Urophillia involves peeing on someone or letting someone pee on you. If you’re new to pee play, we suggest trying it in the shower for obvious reasons…

Voyeurs get off on watching unsuspecting people in the nuddy or dancing the mattress mambo. In some instances, just hearing people doing the dirty is enough to leave voyeurs feeling ready to rumble.

Nobody likes a peeping Tom, so if you’re into voyeurism there are other ways to enjoy your kink without violating anyone’s consent or privacy. One of the best ways to indulge in a little voyeuristic pleasure is by watching porn. In fact, there’s a whole genre of porn dedicated to voyeurism. Otherwise, you can try role playing or even listening to erotic podcasts or audiobooks and letting your imagination run wild.

In the world of BDSM, the term whip can cover everything from floggers and crops to canes, which can all be used in impact play.

Before introducing a whip, cane or crop to the bedroom, it’s essential to ensure it’s engaged in safely. This involves open communication before, during and after and only aiming for the fleshy parts of the bod to avoid injury. A peachy patootie is the perfect place for a lil' whip!

A penchant for the foreign and unknown, xenophilia also extends to a preference for partners from different countries and cultures to your own. It can also stretch to a sexual attraction to other-worldly notions or beings such as aliens. Xenophilia is an extremely broad term that essentially covers everything that counts as a different culture to your own.

There’s nothing better than the smell of fresh-baked bread, but for some, their mouth might water for a different reason entirely… Yeastiality is the sexual arousal to baked food which has risen with yeast, so think bread, pastries and similar deliciousness.

While some people genuinely engage in fornicating with baked goods, we wholeheartedly recommend that a ‘fresh out of the oven’ approach is avoided at all costs.

Jealousy is usually associated with negative feelings and emotions, however, that’s not always the case. A zelophilia fetish refers to people who get the horn through feelings of jealousy. Although the fetish can be managed within a healthy sexual relationship, this can often be a tricky one to navigate.