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Sex Life: How to Be Better at Sex
on Jan 25, 2023
We firmly believe that you are the best, but if you’ve Googled ‘How to have first-time sex’ or are just after a little bit of advice in the bedroom - we've got you covered.
Unfortunately, there’s no checklist or manual on the best way to have sex (although the Kama Sutra is still worth a read). Fortunately, though, that’s half the fun.
Figuring out what gets you and your partner/s going is something we can always be learning more about to enhance our sex lives and master how to get better at sex.
It’s also important to understand sex doesn’t have to result in orgasm. Sure, it’s a bonus, but engaging in any sexual acts, like oral sex, touching or anal play, are all considered sex.
Talking
Talking to the lucky partner/s you’re engaging in sexual acts with is the most underrated way to be better at sex. We’ve all tried to put furniture together without instructions at some point. Sometimes you get lucky, but often you end up with a wonky side table with the drawers in backwards.
Similarly, you can’t expect to be the best sex someone's ever had if you’re going in with no idea of how they want to be put together.
Discussing your likes, dislikes and things you want to try is an important step for multiple reasons. It gives you insight into what makes sex good for them, it builds trust and communication (crucial when engaging in forms of play like BDSM), and it will likely also make you feel more confident.
This can happen before, during and after sex, or all three! Ask them what they’re in the mood for beforehand and to let you know when you’re doing something they’re enjoying (an enthusiastic yes will do the trick).
You can give gentle direction during, if you’re missing something you find pleasurable, or have a playful chat afterwards, telling each other what most turned you on. Opening the doors to communication well help all parties involve find out how to enjoy sex as much as possible.
Foreplay
One of the biggest mistakes you can make during sex is thinking that it’s all about the act of penetration itself or only about stimulating the genital areas.
There are many reasons foreplay is a non-negotiable when it comes to leading a fulfilling sex life. It doesn’t matter how good you are during intercourse itself, if everyone’s not properly aroused the experience won’t reach the mind-blowing level you’d like.
Foreplay can take many different forms: a shower together, a massage, or kissing your partner from head to toe.
How you foreplay may change each time you have sex. You might light some candles and share a bath, or you might lead up to it all day with flirty text messages.
If you’re running low on ideas for foreplay, investing in some toys can help you to keep things interesting before the main event. Card games or sensation packs are our top picks here.
Massage oils, restraints and anything that can be used to stimulate your partner's erogenous zones will build up anticipation and have them be fully present in the moment.
Sometimes the anticipation of trying something new can be enough to turn you both on.
Masturbation
Understanding yourself, not just your partner, will help you build confidence in the bedroom.
Touching yourself solo gives you the luxury of privacy and time to try out techniques on yourself and narrow down what gets you off. This means you can improve your partnered sex life by masturbating.
Enjoying erotic materials like porn or erotic literature may also help you to learn more about your sexual preferences.
If there’s a particular scene or genre you keep coming back to, why not give it a try with a partner? If a sexy librarian is your go-to masturbation search, try suggesting some role play in the bedroom.
Explore
Try new things and never stop wanting to learn. Exploration is a fun step in learning how to have a better sex life.
Understand that not everything will be for you, and not everything will be for your partner, it’s important to respect boundaries. But exploring together helps to build intimacy and excitement.
Many people may have kinks or genres of sex they enjoy participating in: anal play, BDSM (bondage, disciple, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), urophilia (pee play) and electrostimulation are all examples of fetishes and kinks that can be explored in the bedroom.
Before engaging in new forms of play, make sure you and your partner are on the same page and try doing some research to ensure you’re exploring safely
Research
Googling “How to have first-time sex” or “How to have better sex” proves you're on the right track. Putting in the work by reading articles like this one is the perfect way to expand your understanding of the world of sexual pleasure.
If you had a very limited sexual education growing up, this will be even more useful. Many people’s first experience learning about sex comes from watching porn - a notoriously bad depiction of what sex should be.
But it’s not just porn - movies, books and shows all often portray sex as a performance, when this is not the key to having better sex.
Researching articles written by others can help you better understand points of view, techniques and necessities for having sex. So, keep reading, watching and then practicing.
Practice
Sex is a learned skill, not something you’re just born knowing how to do like breathing. Whether you choose to do this with multiple partners or in a long-term relationship, know that it’s okay and completely normal.
Many of us have grown up in a society that shames sex, especially if it’s non monogamous. While sex should have a foundation of mutual respect and always be safe, there’s nothing wrong with having a lot of it.
In fact, practice really is the key to getting better at it, just like learning any new skill, and it is, debatably, a bit more fun for your fingers than learning the piano...
Learning how to be good at sex is an ongoing journey, not something you can simply master and forget about. It will change as you grow and with each different partner.
The most important takeaway is to understand yourself, and your partner, and to always stay curious. You never know what new types of sexual pleasure you have yet to discover.
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