What is Orgasm Control? Orgasm Denial vs. Forced Orgasms

by Jess

on Feb 8, 2018

What is Orgasm Play?

Orgasm play (or control) is the act of taking charge over how, when and if an orgasm will take place during intimate play.

Orgasm control can be explored during solo masturbation (sometimes referred to as "edging", "peaking" or "surfing"), but is often used as a tool for submission during BDSM and power play scenarios.

During couples' play, orgasm control is usually broken down into two main types: 'Orgasm Denial' and 'Forced Orgasms'.

Not sure what that means?

Read on to find out their true definitions, why you might like to try it, and how.

Why Do People Do it?

Power exchange is HOT.

Not only does does power play require complete and utter trust from both/all parties, but the act of stepping outside of your usual role/headspace offers healthy escapism and an opportunity to learn something about yourself, as well as your partner(s).

The long term benefits of power play within a relationship (when explored safely) include improved intimacy, greater trust, more open communication and, of course, a banging sex life!

Tell Me More...

As I said earlier, there are many ways to explore orgasm play, both alone and with a fondle friend, but it is incredibly prominent within BDSM and power play.

Two of the most popular ways to experiment with orgasm play in BDSM is by using 'Orgasm Denial' and 'Forced Orgasms'.

But, what exactly do these terms mean?

  1. Orgasm Denial:

    • Definition (noun):

      The sexual practice in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without orgasm.

      During play, the submissive partner is kept at the brink of orgasm by the Dominant partner. As the sub gets close to the point of no return, the Dom ceases all stimulation to "bring them back down to Earth".

      The Dom may repeat this cycle several times in one session, preventing the sub from climaxing multiple times before finally giving them permission to release.

      Depending on how advanced the play is, some subs will be allowed to climax within the same play session, or when their safe word is called, while other scenarios can last for days (or longer) without the sub being allowed to reach resolution.

    • Benefits: Using anticipation and denial in this way creates an overwhelming build-up of sexual tension which, when finally released, is often explosive and intensely satisfying.
    • Synonyms: Erotic Sexual Denial, Orgasm Control
  2. Forced Orgasms:

    • Definition (noun):

      A form of sex play whereby the active/Dominant partner sexually stimulates a submissive partner to the point of involuntary orgasm.

      During such play, the submissive partner is usually restrained and should focus their attention on refraining from climax.

      Forced Orgasm play can be used as part of humiliation play as well as voyeuristic scenes.

      If the submissive partner is multi-orgasmic (and multiple forced climaxes are within your agreement), a Dom may force their sub to climax multiple times in one play session.

      In other scenarios where the sub is not multi-orgasmic, only one climax will be forced.

    • Benefits: Particularly in multi-orgasmic scenes, each orgasm becomes progressively more intense than the last. This can result in loud, full body climaxes which are as arousing to watch as they are to feel.
    • Synonyms: Post-Orgasm Torture, Orgasm Control


If you and your partner decide to try orgasm denial or forced orgasm play, remember that aftercare is important.

Any BDSM play can lead to heightened emotions, and it's quite normal for the sub to feel overwhelmed with feelings after an intense play session.

These emotions can range from extreme elation to relaxation, uncertainty or even a few tears.

Proper aftercare means taking a moment straight after play to reassure your partner (if there is any uncertainty) and allow the energy in the room to rebalance.

Now is a perfect time to snuggle and stroke, talk through the session or share a hot bath or shower together. Anything which helps you both feel fully resolved at the end of play.

Try it for Yourself - Orgasm Play Must-Haves:

  1. Fifty Shades Freed Cherished Blindfold

    Fifty Shades Freed Cherished Collection Leather Blindfold

    Instantly heightens all-over sensitvity to make forced orgasm and orgasm denial scnarios extra challenging for the sub.

  2. Fifty Shades Freed Pleasure Overload

    Fifty Shades Freed Pleasure Overload 10 Days of Play Couple's Gift Set

    Everything you need to restrain and stimulate, from cuffs and clamps to whips and vibes, is in this 10-piece kit.

  3. Fifty Shades Freed Nipple & Clit Clamp

    Fifty Shades Freed All Sensation Nipple and Clitoral Chain

    For couples who enjoy a little torture with their titillation, these beginner-friendly clamps are perfect.

  4. Fifty Shades Freed Magic Wand

    Fifty Shades Freed Awash with Sensation Magic Wand

    No orgasm play scene is complete without a magic wand: they are the staple to forcing and denying orgasms effectively.

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Written by Jess.

Originally published on Feb 8, 2018. Updated on Aug 6, 2020