How to Masturbate Without Anybody Knowing

by Lovehoney

on Jan 1, 2015

How to Masturbate Without Anyone Knowing

One of the joys of sharing a house is that you can almost guarantee that at some point, you’ll hear your housemates bumping uglies. It’s like a university rite of passage.

But what about when it comes to indulging in a spot of alone-time?

No one wants their new roomies to know that they’re doing the five-knuckle shuffle after a particularly steamy episode of Orange is the New Black, and worrying about overly-loud vibrations and moans can really ruin the mood.

So for those of you who are shy about playing with yourself whilst your friends play FIFA on the other side of the wall, we've rounded up a selection of the best quiet sex toys, as well as some tips from our experts on becoming a top undercover lover.

How to Wank Without Being Overheard by Roommates

Firstly, get your privacy, either by locking the door if possible, or obstructing it, if not. The last thing you want is someone barging in at a critical moment. Alternatively, try moving to the bath or shower with a waterproof toy. That way, you can lock the door, and the running water should help to mask any noise.

If the bathroom isn't an option, get wrapped up in a thick blanket or duvet. The padding will help to muffle any racket and decrease the chance of sound carrying. For added privacy, crank up some music to drown out any unwanted moans, groans, or sex toy sounds, although you may want to consider your choice carefully. I Touch Myself blaring out from under a locked door might just give the game away.

Finally - and perhaps most crucially - get yourself a quiet vibrator. Sadly, there's no such thing as a totally silent vibe, because of how the mechanism works, but you can certainly get some that come pretty close.

Above: Annabelle puts our best-selling whisper-quiet vibrators to the test in this video guide to find out which ones really are super-duper quiet. Which one will come out on top? Click on the screen above to find out!

Quiet Bullet Vibrators

If volume is a really big issue in your house, we’d recommend a bullet vibrator. They’re tiny, and they’re as close to silent as it’s possible for a vibe to get. With a variety of speeds and patterns, each will give you a range of sensations at a whisper-quiet noise level - plus, many of them cost less than the price of a round at the bar.

Quiet Rabbit Vibrators

Rabbit vibrators are a little louder than bullets, but with double the stimulation, it's hardly suprising. However, opting for a silicone bunny such as these will help to reduce the noise levels, as well as giving a gorgeously smooth sensation.


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on Jan 1, 2015. Updated on Aug 6, 2020